desdemonaspace: (Tara closeup)
[personal profile] desdemonaspace
As the two-year anniversary of Frank's death approaches, Abdul asked me out again - after a year and a half! (Dating six months after losing your husband isn't smart.) In the interim he and I were friendly, but he didn't ask me again after the first date - I think I offended him when I told him (back then) that I was busy for the next two weekends.

(n that year and a half, I wanted to say, "I wish I'd said 'Yes' when you asked me out the second time," but I couldn't bring myself to.)

But we were friendly, as I said, and would joke around and bring each other little gifts of food. (His brother's baklava is addictive). Lately, I've been complaining about vegetarian eating and he said that there was a good vegetarian selection at his favorite Middle Eastern restaurant, and that the next time he went, I should come. I said, "OK," but I think he was still gun-shy about the earlier perceived turn-down by me, and didn't ask me for a specific date.

A week ago, I told him I had a milestone birthday coming up, and instead of splurging as I wanted to, I was going to spend two weeks at the cabin fixing the place to get it ready to put on the market. Getting it sold will be my real gift to myself. He asked me what milestone birthday would it be, and I whispered, "60." He seemed surprised when I told him. Then he asked when, and when I told him, he said that when I come back from killing myself at the cabin, that he would take me out to celebrate. I said, "Sure!"

Then yesterday, he looked tired and grumpy, and I asked what was wrong. He said, "Work," and I asked if he wasn't retiring soon. He admitted he was, in a year and a half, and asked me not to mention it. And here is where it gets weird: he opened up about his financial situation (pretty good; better than mine!) and said we'd talk more about it when he takes me out for my birthday. He said, "Deal?" and I moved to shake his hand. He hugged me instead (just a little hug).

OK, now how am I to take this? The spelling out of his financial sitch makes me think of old-world marriage arrangements, where it's all out in the open before contracts are signed. He's not over-sharey about any other subject, or so I thought. Read on. He's said we're not getting any younger, and he sounds as though he wants to include me in plans. He showed me a big scar on his forearm and said he's had a triple bypass, and actually unbuttoned a couple of buttons to show me the scar on his chest! OK, too much, already!

I am somewhat blown away, and don't know what to make of it. My Israeli friend (who's leery about Muslims) encourages me, then asked me if I'd convert. Not likely. I can think of several old religions that attract me, that I could conceivably convert to for love or conviction, but Islam isn't one of them. His ex-wife didn't convert; why should I?

(Oh, and his ex-mother-in-law is crazy about him. His office is filled with adorable baby animal & animal rights calendars she gives him, which he freely shares with everyone.)

Feedback, please. Am I losing my mind?

I do like Abdul, though. I never stopped thinking about him, and I KNOW Frank wouldn't mind.

Date: 2014-05-26 09:04 pm (UTC)
rainkatt: woman (me!) in dress and sunhat, wading in surf at beach (Default)
From: [personal profile] rainkatt
I've not been over to LJ to see what the advice there is, but I say, go, see what happens, go from there. If you need him to slow the hell down, do so. :-) He sounds rather sweet...

Date: 2014-05-24 02:22 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Proceed prudently and with wisdom, but I say proceed. Methinks he likes you, honey... And why shouldn't he? You're a wonderful, wonderful woman. :::hugs you tightly:::


Date: 2014-05-24 03:08 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
A man who prefers a woman his own age does seem promising.


Date: 2014-05-24 10:41 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
That sums up my thoughts, too. Go for it M!

Date: 2014-05-24 02:33 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
It sounds like you'll regret not taking the risk more than you might regret taking it and finding out it doesn't work. Any guy whose ex-mother-in-law still likes him has to be worth a date.

Date: 2014-05-24 07:11 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Go out and see what happens. A date isn't a commitment and who knows what might develop.

Date: 2014-05-24 07:25 am (UTC)
ext_15108: (Rhodie)
From: [identity profile]
I agree with the other comments: Go and see what happens. My guess is the combination of an attractive woman and his past heart issues have him thinking life is short and he should seize the day.

Date: 2014-05-24 05:17 pm (UTC)
ext_15108: (Rhodie)
From: [identity profile]
My sympathy. I'm always fighting a war with my tendency to overthink things.

Date: 2014-05-24 08:34 am (UTC)
ext_11988: made by lmbossy (Default)
From: [identity profile]
Sounds like there are a lot of unknowns there, but going forward also sounds interesting! Go for it and see what happens - I'm sure a Frank would approve!

Date: 2014-05-24 12:42 pm (UTC)
usedtobeljs: (Anya we persevere knowing)
From: [personal profile] usedtobeljs
Enjoy yourself! (Even if you're understandably wary.)


Date: 2014-05-24 12:52 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Go out, have fun, and see where it goes.

Date: 2014-05-24 01:44 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
It really doesn't matter how much time you spend in advance trying to figure it out. You can't see into the future. (I do this too.)

I am ok. Life seems to be evening out some. The lose of the man is completely over shadowed by the lose of my mother. Then my sister injured herself, so that has pulled focus from both. Meranda's last day of HS is Monday and she graduates on the 31st. My granddaughter will be 1 on the 30th. I know eventually I will slow down and have to deal with things, and I will deal when that time comes. There have been moments (Mother's Day was one) when I just broke down. Mostly though, when I have free time, I am working in my yard and enjoying this amazing house.

Sorry to post so much in your comments! I will find your email and send my address, or send it in a pm on FB.

Date: 2014-05-24 05:32 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
My desk is also piled with everything. I sent it to your email.

It amazes me also, that I am a grandmother. Gage and I went to church together a few weeks ago and everyone thought we were a couple. (That was awkward, but also complimentary.)

Date: 2014-05-24 02:26 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I understand your hesitations but you did say that you regretted turning him away previously. Don't overthink this one, just see where it leads.

Date: 2014-05-24 05:33 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
And not everyone's children will be hateful to a new step mother if it does go that far.

Date: 2014-05-24 05:41 pm (UTC)
herself_nyc: (Default)
From: [personal profile] herself_nyc
Not at all. Take it at your own pace, but he sounds like a nice person, and the fact that he wants you to know his pros and cons is kind of charming.

Date: 2014-05-26 02:13 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Aww, it's so cute. You are a grown up woman, who deserves to feel special and have a wonderful meal with a kind man who sees how beautiful you are. Who knows what the next day will hold - so enjoy the time together when you have it. If it doesn't work out - well, you are both grownups, and he's retiring in 18 months anyway. You can handle any potential awkwardness until then. And that's worse case scenario - it could be much, much better. :)
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